Let Go & Lead
November 6, 2012 | Posted by Jay Kubassek | Tags: Leadership, Perspective | 11 Comments
Ever since my hometown was ravaged by Hurricane Sandy last week, it’s been a huge change of living standards for me. I’ve had hardly any phone or internet access. I haven’t had any power all week. My dog Victor broke his leg running around our backyard. My wife’s car got swamped by four feet of water. I don’t even remember what it’s like to wash my face with warm water!
It’s not my proudest moment, but it all got to me and broke me down yesterday. Having all of this hit at once, it took me over. I let my circumstances define me. But if there’s one thing we can learn from a disaster like this storm, it’s that there are times in your life when you have to break down to build yourself back up stronger again.
Yesterday was one of those moments when I had to surrender. I can hardly control anything about my life right now. I just had to release and let go of that desire for control. It was a very humbling experience to let go. When you think that you’re in control and that you’re invincible, that’s the beginning of the end. It goes back to this: the moment you think you’ve arrived, that’s when the ground will rise up and smite you.
When you surrender, your circumstances no longer have control of you. I was pissed off that nothing was working for me, but it made me realize that I was attached to things working a certain way. I was spoiled and entitled. I was used to conveniences. And when you expect those conveniences to always be there, you’ve set yourself up for a bruising.
It’s getting very cold in my house. Last night, at about 2 AM, I’m up working and eating a pot of soup from my gas stove. I’m covered in blankets. And that’s when I realized: it could be so much worse. I could have lost everything I had. Looking at yesterday’s paper and seeing pictures of people walking in knee-deep water with their houses completely destroyed, it hit me. Normally, I admit that I don’t have much empathy for seeing something like that happen to someone. It would always feel like it happened somewhere else. Now, it’s happened right here where I live. And I don’t live in a hurricane zone or a place you’d ever expect to see a weather-related disaster like this.
The last 24 hours was a massive wake up call for me. I ate a huge helping of humble pie, and I can promise you from here on that I won’t be complaining about my own situation any time soon.
There are 40,000 homeless people in New York alone. I’ve got friends who have several feet of water in their houses right now and all of their possessions – everything they’ve ever owned – has been destroyed. They’ll have to deal with this cleanup for months. What a crybaby I am if I’m complaining about my situation compared to that! It’s a HUGE wake up call for me.
Today, we decide the next leader of the United States in the presidential election. What does leadership mean? To me, leadership means that you take responsibility for your own crap. And you also have the balls to take responsibility for other people’s crap. A leader is willing to take responsibility for more than themselves.
I’m not normally one to talk about politics. But on that topic, I don’t feel it’s leadership if someone feeds you a line of BS just to get your vote. A real leader takes responsibility for a mission in the face of fear – not only for themselves, but for the people around them. Leaders help people out of their problems and speak from places of personal power, because true leadership comes from experience. You cannot lead a movement into something that you don’t have personal attachment or experience in. And there are so many talking heads out there that say whatever they have to say to get votes or dollars. True leaders who lead with humility are very few and far between. (If you’re a U.S. citizen, I encourage you to get out and vote today.)
It doesn’t take a college degree or MBA to be a leader. It’s a byproduct of the actions you take. Whether that’s belief in your own convictions or belief that you deserve more, the moment you take action on that belief before there’s evidence of any results is the moment you start to blaze your own trail. And other people who want that same result will take notice and follow you. And your intention shouldn’t be to have followers in taking that action, but to create something you believe in. That will be something that other people who have that belief can follow.
Here’s my challenge to you (and myself) today. In times of crisis like this, there are so many vacuums for leadership right now it’s scary. In this time of absence of leadership, people are looking for someone to believe. Everyone has a solution. But few of them are truly leading by example. Today, find a way to put out into the world what you truly believe in. Put it on your blog or social media pages. Figure out who the hell you are and stop falling for the next “guru”. You don’t need ANYTHING outside of what you already have inside of you. Do what’s inside you that you know you need to do to be your best self. Forget the laundry list of circumstances that are already jumping in your way to stop you: “I can’t do that because I don’t have power. I can’t do it because I have to take kids to day care. I can’t do it because ________.” Don’t fill in the blank, and there won’t be anything stopping you!
Become the leader of you. You must be able to lead yourself before you can lead others. Follow the core principles, thoughts, and purpose-driven actions of YOU. Yeah, you’ll get dealt a shitty hand sometimes in life, like we did with Hurricane Sandy here in Jersey. But don’t you dare stay in that victim space for one moment longer than you have to. Those circumstances will control you until you DECIDE that they don’t anymore. That’s when you let go and free yourself of them. And that’s how you learn to lead yourself.
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11 Comments so far.
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Like it Jay. We don’t realize how lucky we are until we are faced with a difficult situation like you did.
I agree, if you can not lead yourself how do you expect to lead others.
Take your life back and stop making excuses. Live each day as if it were the last. Be grateful everyday for what you have.
Veda
PS Hope Victor is doing well.
I liked your posting… However, one name could have said it all… Ronald Reagan.
Great article Jay…I believe in you and I believe in miracles!
How inspirational you are Jay, I have studied leadership for many years and consider my slef a leader, I believe in empowerment, the ability to empower others to engage in your philosophies. Your words are very well chosen, and you are so right when you say we have a vacuum in leaders. Australia is such a good example, without going into politics, I think our current so called leaders are there for what they can get. They are not challenged by the words “what can I do to make the world a better place to live in” When you die, whqat will be on your headstone, “I helped stuff this wonderful country” Well done Jay, thanks, Lindsay
Sorry for your circumstances Jay, you will recover. You will rebuild. This is not the end but it will be a turning point, I speak from experience. You are allowed a meltdown, maybe even more than one, just don’t lose your focus. Onward and upward.
Happy you survived Sandy.
Jay: Thank you for that amazing share. I believe we grow the most during the down times. You have just taken a huge step in becoming “more” of you. It is so refreshing to hear from someone back East. I have many relatives back there and send my prayers and good thoughts to all of you.
I have found in my life that there is always a new surprise waiting for me when I think “I’ve arrived” Then I get reminded that it is easy to follow “principles” when all is going well, however, it is my spiritual and subconscious that kicks in and reminds me that truly “To Think is to Create” and how I am thinking changes my life. It is truly about self-leadership. Sometimes, just sitting and breathing in a tree, or a flower or the sky. Good luck…You are always welcome out here in Idaho…We have beautiful mountains and rivers.
It is not surprising that you a had a meltdown. Victor fracturing his leg caused you to experience grief based on a very powerful emotion. I am speaking on the emotion of love. In a normal day if Victor had hurt his leg, you would of just taken him to the vet, came home and resumed a normal day. It was the painful events of the storm causing all those you loved to suffer through the harsh reality of living without electricity, hot water and heat. Man by nature wants to take care of his family. Then it hit you and you felt better. GRATITUDE, remember you asked us to write down 3 things everyday for 30 days we are grateful for. Automatically, you became aware of all you had to be grateful for. Your perspective on feeling grateful for still having a house and loved ones safely next to you became much more important. Hope you get to shave and take a hot shower at home soon. All my love to your family …
Hi Jay and family;
What a crisis to deal with. I look at that disaster and wonder how one survives it. You and your family are in my prayers.
RHINO
I’m glad you’re family is safe despite the challenges and that you were able to recognize your blessings. Great post. “You must be able to lead yourself before you can lead others” Wow. That’s great. I also loved: “You don’t need ANYTHING outside of what you already have inside of you.” Isn’t that true? So often we look outside instead of within for strength and answers.
A true leader speaks truth to power regardless of the personal repercussions. I’ve yet to see one in the political arena.
What amazes and angers me is that every few years people continue to vote these fkn idiots into power. They lie to get there then do what their puppetmasters bid them to do.
Integrity is something sadly missing in politics. The times they are a changing though:)